Define Maddness

There is a common conception: the insane don't know they are crazy, they think they are getting better. After all, accepting you have a problem is the first step to recovery right? thus that would mean that if you know you are sick you are getting better right? Then what does it mean when it seems you are getting worse?

There is a quote, I can't remember literally but it was from a patient in an asylum in the 19th century, her name was Anna Agnew. Anna knew something was wrong with her but it took what where several attempts to kill herself and her children to have her committed. When she got there she asked the Doctor if she was insane. His answer was that yes, quite insane. According to Anna, she felt so relieved to hear someone acknowledge her madness. She knew something was wrong, she had tried to kill herself, she was now a threat to her children. Does that make her any less than someone who doesn't know the difference?

And then there is the question of the person themselves. If the crazy don't know it, does that mean this person isn't sick? And would that person stop themselves from reaching out for help because well, if you know something is wrong does it mean you are making ti up or that you are exaggerating what is wrong? I wont say this is not a possibility, but well, maybe you aren't making this up? And maybe you don't want the attention.

Let me pose a question now: Do you think you are mad? I'm not talking technical terms here. And I mean really bad, Anna Agnew bad. Maybe we need someone to tell us it, maybe trying to look for help would not be a bad idea since that could help us check just how close to edge we are. Maybe madness is harder to define than the few terms and list there are. Or I am just rambling, your choice.

Reflections

Lately I have been thinking, about very different things. One of them is self perception. I'll be honest, I have a huge list of issues with physical aspects of myself. But people, that is the tip of the iceberg because what really messes me up. Before you question things I have said here, yes, BDD goes beyond physical things. I am convinced the people who have been there for me through thick and thin will one day not be able to stand me and leave. They will say I am just unbearably boring and give up. That's in part why I have become so harsh with myself, if i am boring can't I atleast be pretty? No, sorry you get none.

Why do I bring this up? Recently I have been considering several entries for this blog but discounted them because they seemend of topic. At first I thought it would be about one thing but it has begun to transform. What am I saying? Tis might be a chronicle of someone one with deep issue but I don't think these issues wont be limited to specifics. There will be disucssions on food,, phsical aspects, and such. but there will be other things.

If someone is reading this and thinking that I have missled you, I am sorry you feel that way I promise it was not my intention. I am not looking for atention and honestly, I think this is really just a personal diary because there are many much better blogs out there. Like I have said, my view of myself is not the best.

I am still deciding whether or not I will change this but if I do, the changes will not be to big and hell there might be more entries. Time will tell.