Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The Calm In The Storm Or The Comfort Of Self Destruction

Disclaimer: May contain unpleasant images and disgusting descriptions, suggestion or mention of dangerous conduct. Read carefully do not follow anything said here.

Monday, November 2, 2009

You Owe It To Your Subculture

Disclaimer: This isn't aimed at any one in particular.

A subculture can be many things.  It can be a small group, it can be big, it can be about a fashion it could be a support group.  In the end for matters of this post lets define it as a group of people who in fact do form a series of things in common.  They can have common fashion scene, they can have common believes, taste in books, music, ect.  Now here is the thing, does it mean then that if you don't follow every aspect of any given subculture that you don't belong?

Here is an example: I like Gothic things, I like rock music.  I would say I am a Goth.  But I don't dress in black, I don't wear silver jewelry in the form of wolves or dragons ( I confess I do have a dragon but I don't wear it constantly).  I like vampires but I really dislike most modern aspects of them and don't believe in the darkness, no I believe like the original Gothic School of literature that it is not about the darkness in life but about being realistic.  So I guess I am not a Goth.  Does that mean I don't have the same right as them to indulge in all my Gothic fantasy be it Jane Eyre and the original chick lit that was Gothic Lit. as well as what it is now recognized as Gothic?  Another: Hippie means many things to many people.  Does it mean that just because I am not constantly in tie-die or in political rallies I shouldn't call myself one?

Where am I going with all this?  Recently I have been thinking if a name I have given myself really fits me.  I don't think like them, I don't talk like them, and even if I share a lot of the belives of these people I feel it is not enough to be part of it because I am not like them.  Of course it could just be me thinking I am not good enoguh and that I don't deserve company.  It has happened before.  But I believe the label fits me.  Does not being exactly like them make me less and thus not worthy of a name?  Or am I just afraidd that the acceptance I have found in this comunity is unfunded and doubting myself even if there is no reason?  Am I seeig myself as a wannabe just because I am not ok with myself or because I really am? 

There is no need to answer this, but maybe we are putting to much preassure on these labels.  It's about aceptace, does it mean that we might have to change aspects about ourselves to be accepted?  Then they aren't acceptin us.  I could go on like this for a long time but hey, I wont bore you.  I'll think about it better.  I have met some wonderfull people in this group or subculture.  It is not a group to be in but we are.  Kind of like Skizos bonding over their imaginary worlds.  But am I really part of this group?...

On a sidenote, I might just go to therapy again.  I am still thinking it over but everytime I read or write something like this I rethink the idea. Now if I could convince myself to actually call and make an apointment.